Meet the Team
Our Team Members
Tod, Senior Manager
Although superior to his peers in every possible way, Tod is a humble individual and doesn’t like to make a point of other people’s incompetency. In a previous life he believes he was an octopus, which would explain why he’s so good at doing everything at once.
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Sex
Yes please
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Technical Skills
100
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Australian No. 1s
1
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Gingerness
50%
Kate, Administrator
Since an early age, Kate has been trying to perfect her recipe for a herbal remedy that not only guarantees her punctuality, but also doesn’t taste repulsive. She is yet to achieve either.
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Alchemy
100
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Wheat Tolerance
0
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Lentil Recipes
72
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Herbs Consumed
Unknown
Patrice, Accounts Secretary
Hailing from South Africa, Patrice was the head of breakdance troupe, ‘The Biltong B Boys’. Retiring in the early 90s due to a worm related injury, she is now restricted to finger dancing and toe tapping.
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Reliability
100
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Spicy Food Tolerance
0
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Energy Drinks Consumed
17,000
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Dance Moves
Unlimited
Luke, Senior Manager
Although yet to hit puberty, this beast of a boy makes the perfect windbreak which means he is great value for money and convenient. Born with transparent skin, he possesses the skill of blending in with his surroundings despite his enormousness.
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Water Retention
100
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Sun Cream Factor
100
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Height
6.5
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Shoe Size
13
Gabi, PA to Director
Originating from Lithuania, Gabi has only been captured smiling once, the rest of the time she is known to have mastered the “resting bitch face”. Gabi is a woman of few words who is a consummate professional at killing the conversation dead.
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Languages
2
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Obsessiveness
100
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Phone Manner
1
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Driving Skills
0
Jon, Logistics Manager
Born within a warehouse, Jon is only happy if he is surrounded by boxes and bubble wrap. Originally from South East London, one day he hopes to open his own restaurant specialising solely in Eel inspired dishes.
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Driving Skills
?
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Height
4.8
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Resourcing
99
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Fizzy Drink Consumption
100
